HER Struggle...

Hello, my name is Stephanie. To let you know a tad bit about myself I'm a 36 year old single mother of 5 children and the birth mother of 1. The subject that has been put before me is self-care. WHEW that is one for the books! Now if you’re reading this expecting ideas or instructions on how to give self-care, that is not coming. I'm about to be real with you guys so I apologize in advance because sometimes my filter breaks. You must know first that my idea of self-care is taking a shower without the dog or kids trying to bother me. When I was growing up the women around me gave me vastly different views on self-care. For instance, one of my Grandmothers would take me to the beauty salon with her and would make a huge deal of painting our nails and toes. She always said, "If I don’t look good I'm not gone be no good." And my other Grandma she was more of a trip taker she would set out on an adventure in no time flat all alone to do what she felt.

I struggle deeply with anxiety and depression, and I've noticed that when I give myself extra time or attention I feel terrible about it afterwards, I think of what could have been done instead. I call myself selfish and take all of the care out of what I've attempted to do for myself. This started for me after I became single. My kids father wasn't any help and I feel like my kids quality of life was impacted terribly. So, I ask myself why should I have things for me if I can’t provide them with everything they need, want and deserve. Let's use shopping trips for example, one of my bras the little rings broke on both sides and I just ties it. It drives me crazy but it is my fav, fits the best. So I go to the store and I pick out one. It will be let's say 30 bucks. I walk around I find things the kids need so I exchange that bra 3 times for a cheaper one until finally getting to the register and putting it back because I'm always on a budget and I feel the kids things are more important even if it's their wants versus my needs.

That is what I am working on, allowing myself to take care of me. Some of the things that I like to do and enjoy doing are coloring, yep my best friend’s toolbox is one of my go to support items. I color and I write. My niece has bought me a new journal for Mother’s Day, so I have been trying to do that lately. I also notice that having my hair, nails, eyebrows, and lashes done is my favorite me time because not only do I look better after, I also get to really sit and talk to myself during this time and sort through my issues.

I’m also going to start walking with my dog and exploring new areas of my town. Small things. Another thing I need to do more often is to talk about the feelings I am experiencing. In my eyes when I am being the Mom, big sister, and Aunt I tell my babies that talking about what you are feeling inside is a definite part of self-care and f you don’t spend time working through the things that you are feeling rather it's with someone you love or yourself, they turn toxic. No matter what it is, what makes you feel happy and taken care of, do it! Reflect on your troubles be your own friend, invest in yourself because if you do not, what you put out into this universe will not be your best. If you’re on this journey as I am and learning how to love you good luck to you , you deserve this, and I love you!

It's a journey, many times it’s a rough one, but I’m still on it and I’m sure we’ll master it, at least for the sake of our sanity. LOL